The Best Job in the World

When I was growing up, I always loved kids. My cousin and I used to fight for the attention of our many younger cousins. At family gatherings we were willing babysitters to exhausted parents who wanted a break, and I loved every minute of it. I always used to say that if working in day care paid better, that would have been my career.

Funny though, I've tried the babysitting thing. And it's not enough to love kids, I don't think. There is a special kind of person who is called to do that for a living, and my children have been blessed to be cared for by a couple of them. But it's not me. What I have discovered though, is that my ideal job does indeed involve being around kids all day, but that the pay is even much less than that of a daycare worker. It is, of course, a mother.

I was out with my kids earlier today, and I realized how much I really, truly enjoy spending time with them. I always have, but now I don't feel as though a million other things are dividing my attention. On previous maternity leaves I have had the luxury of a part-time sitter, where I could drop the kids off if I had errands to run, or just wanted a day to myself once a week. That, however, would now cost me upwards of $50 just to drop the kids off for one day, and I have a hard time justifying that. The result? Now Jeff does most of the errand running, and whenever I go in town I bring everyone - which means we do something fun together (I'm not one to waste a trip).

People always say they don't know how I do it, and I know they never quite believe me when I say that having more children makes a lot of things easier. I found it way more difficult to get around with three babies than I do with my five children, because the two older boys are older and much more capable of helping me round the little ones up. And I've had seven years of getting around to figure out the best (and most efficient) way to do it. And I'm learning not to put too much pressure on myself - if I make it anywhere at all, it's an accomplishment. I don't stress about being late when I'm on my own with the kiddies.

You would think that having more kids would make you busier, but for me it's the opposite. It is crystal clear the things I cannot do anymore, so I just don't do them. Instead, I get to spend my days enjoying this journey with the best companions a girl could ask for. And that is the best job in the world!

Catholic Guilt

These days, I am feeling strongly convicted that I need to be more kind to my children. My three oldest boys share a bedroom. For the past several months bedtime has been tricky, as the youngest of the three Stephen has a difficult time settling down, keeping the older ones (and in fact, the entire household) awake. Our solution has been to sit outside their room after they go to bed, and speak swiftly and sternly at the first sign (or rather, sound) of disruption. It has been working pretty well.

Last night when the boys went to bed, Timothy was upset. I tried my best to comfort him, but (as is common with Timothy) there was nothing I could say to calm him down, and so I ended up having to leave the bedroom while he was still crying. Not long after I left, I heard the slow creak of the door opening. Thinking it to be the cat, I jumped up and started shushing at the door. Only then did I discover that it was Stephen, up out of bed. I reacted with a harsh, "you get back to bed!" It was only when I was tucking him back in that he said, "but Timothy's still crying." I looked at his little face, and my heart broke. He was pouting, and he was really upset. He was concerned for his brother, and I thought he was just being defiant (and treated him that way). I felt like mean Miss Hannigan in "Annie".

People often speak about Catholic guilt, but I think those people must not truly understand the heart of God, and His intentions in providing guidance through the teachings of the Church. It is precisely the teachings of the Church that bring me comfort in times like this. God wants me to be patient with the kids not because He wants me to feel bad about times like this, but because He knows that I will not be happy if I am constantly giving in to my emotions. He knows that by learning to control my impulses, I will see the bigger picture, and that in being loving in all situations, I will be happier myself, and make my children happier as well. And when I do fall short, as I so often do, it is the teachings of my faith that help me to know I am not stuck there, and that I am not an awful person. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but forgiveness is just a breath away (the breath it takes to form the words to ask for it), and once received, brings us to a place where we have a fresh start.

Today is my fresh start, this very moment. And I am so grateful for the faith that brings that to me. In the Catholic Church I find not teachings that guilt and shame me, but guidance that helps me grow more into the person God wants me to be. A person who is happy, a person who is free, and above all, a person who loves God and His people (especially those entrusted to my care) above everything else.

Culture of Life

I think most often, people think that being open to life is the job of parents. As Catholics, we vow to accept children lovingly from God, and it is a vow Jeff and I take very seriously. We know that each little one we bring into this world helps us to become more of the person God intended us to be. But we also know that the buck doesn't stop with us. Because being open to life is an attitude not just for the parents, but for the entire community surrounding the family. And it doesn't stop once the baby is born, it continues for the rest of their lives.

We are so incredibly blessed to have two sets of parents who bend over backwards to help with our children. If too much time goes by without us calling them, they are calling us saying, "Can we come see the kids? We miss them!" They are always willing and ready to watch some or all of the kids if we need to run an errand, or just take a break. We are so fortunate, because not everyone has this. If it wasn't for their openess to life, our children wouldn't have half the life they have now. And we would find it much more difficult to be good parents without their love and support. Whenever anyone tells us what good parents we are, I say that we couldn't be good parents if our parents weren't first good to us.

Not only do we have awesome parents, but we also have a great network of family and friends who love and support us in our journey as parents. Whenever we have friends over, they are all eager playmates for our children. And when we bring our kids on outings, we find in them extra hands to help look after the kids. When we show up at friends' houses, they are happy to have us all over, even when they know it will mean their place could quite possibly be turned upside-down! They don't shy away from including us because we have children, and never act as though they are a burden. Some of our childrens' best friends are in fact our friends, and it makes me so happy that for Jeff and I, having a good time with friends can include our children as well. We are building happy memories as a family that I know will benefit our kids for years to come.

So my challenge to everyone reading this today is this - whatever your stage in life, whether you have children or not, make it your mission to be open to life by supporting young families. Jeff and I are infinitely grateful for the support we receive on a daily basis. We could not do this without you!

The Road to Sanity

I was at the doctor's office yesterday with all the kids in tow, for vaccinations for my baby. While it wasn't always so, after the last few babies I can count on my doctor, once the little one is a couple of months old, to say, "so, when are we doing this again?" Not going back to work gives me a real freedom when it comes to planning our next baby, so I shared that while I didn't know just yet, Jeff and I are both noticing how fast Aaron is growing up, and that we both miss having a newborn in the house. She just smiled and said, "I don't know how you do it - I mean, and keep your sanity!" I laughed, and said, "sometimes I don't!"

As I left the doctor's office, I realized that the moments when I feel like I'm losing my sanity have little to do with the kids. More than that, I truly believe my children are what ground me, and keep me from going completely crazy much sooner than I do. They are there, every day, and I can always count on them to guide me and provide purpose in my life. I don't wake up in the morning wondering, "what am I going to do today?", or laze around while life just passes me by. As soon as my feet hit the floor I am smack in the middle of life - all I have to do is go with it!

One of the things that was brought into the world through original sin was that we would have to work for the things that matter most to us. I often wish I could take a vacation with Jeff and the kids, and just relax and have nothing to do but enjoy life. And I think this is good - because this is what we were made for; and in fact, will live one day. But it is not possible on this earth. And while vacations give us much-needed moments of relaxation and getting away from it all, the reality as we all know is that there is a price to pay for vacation. We come home groggy from our trip to do laundry, clean house, and work double-hard to get back into the routine of every day life. It's in doing the duties of every day life with joy that we find our true happiness in this life, our eyes set on the eternal vacation and rest that awaits us in the next.

I think that's why I'm much happier with five children than I was with two. Because with two children, I was still clinging to that desire for "a break". And if I tried hard enough, I could get it. That lead to a false sense of control, and consequently disappointment when the responsibilities of life came knocking all too soon. But with five children, your idea of a break changes. It's no longer dropping the kids off at the sitter's to have a day to yourself, but rather taking just two or three of them with you to the grocery store, and stopping for ice cream on the way home. It's no longer watching TV while the kids nap, but painting with your older kids while your babies nap. It's in the work that I find my true fulfillment - having more children helps me to keep my sanity far better than I ever did with less!

Not that I'm perfect. Someday, when my kids are old enough to read my notes, they'll tell you otherwise. But I do feel like I know more than I did when I first started having children. And I know there is still so very much more for me to learn. Here's to family, babies, and journeying down the road that leads me ever closer to sanity!

Love like this

Today, as most days, I fumbled about getting supper ready with a thirty-pound toddler on my hip. My one and only girl...my little Katie.

She is the fourth of our five children, and is vastly different than the boys. She is so much more clingy, even than the baby. She would spend the whole day on my hip if I would let her. It can be quite frustrating at times, particularly when she is tired and I'm trying to put her down. I'm sure most parents can relate to the feeling of just wanting to finish something that they've started, and that's how I often feel. I could do this so much faster if I could just put you down for two minutes - and then you'd have me all to yourself. But alas, this is not what she wants. She's more content to have half of my attention most of the time, than to have none of it for a bit, and all of it later.

Yesterday she wasn't feeling good, and was particularly clingy to me. And it hit me, she really, really loves me a lot. She clings to me because she wants to be with me all the time - she's happiest when she's with me. That's such an incredible thing! Lots of people love me a lot, but very few are so honest with it. With kids, there is just love. And sometimes, that's hard. Because love so innocent and pure demands something in return. And that something is you - now. It's my own imperfections that cause me to become frustrated, my own distractions that cause me to turn elsewhere. But when I look at her, it's so clear. She's not demanding, she's not trying to keep me from doing anything, she's not looking to drive me crazy! She's just loving me, and calling me to love her back.

This is the way God loves us. Asking nothing in return but the gift of ourselves. And with God, as with the kids, I often feel frustrated. If I could just finish what I'm doing Lord, then I'll spend time with you. And just like my little Katie, what God really wants is to be part of my whole day, not just something tacked on at the end, if I have time. Parenthood teaches me so much about life, and particularly why children are so special to God - because they really do get it so much better than we do.

I don't know what I did to deserve such a perfect love. But I pray to always see the good, to see with the eyes of faith what my own eyes, so full of distraction, too often miss.

A Kids' House

I remember having a conversation with a coworker when I was expecting my fourth child. It was about the clutter you accumulate in your house when you have kids. In particular the living room, and how despite my best efforts to make it a grown up space, it always ends up with toys along every square inch of the perimeter (if I'm lucky, and they haven't been strewn across the entire room). He talked about visiting friends and seeing all the toys their kids had out in the main living areas, and how ridiculous that was. And at the time I desperately wished for a space of my own in all this craziness. A place where we could entertain friends that was sophisticated, modern, and free of toys.

And now, I'm home full time. Not only that, but I have two extra children, and I'm homeschooling. So in addition to the extra little ones and all their toys, I also have school desks in my dining room and work pinned up all around the upstairs of my house. Not only does the living room look like a play room, but the dining room looks like a classroom. But you know what? I don't mind it so much anymore. In fact, I really love it. Because the fact is that kids do live here - they are part of this family, and this is their space too. I do have my own space - it's called a bedroom, but the rest of the house is meant to be shared by a family, not just me. And people who come into my home should realize that. I am happy when I look around my house that signs of the life contained within are everywhere to be found.

When I see all of their stuff, it reminds me how fun it is to have them around, and to enjoy them being so little. Because like it or not, some day they are going to grow up. And I know I'm really going to miss these days. So I figure I may as well make the most of it, and celebrate their young lives while I am in the midst of it. It will be a sad day when there are no toys in my living room. But if I'm anything like my mother, I'll get to do it all over again when I have my own grandchildren - and maybe with even more stuff!

The World's Greatest Spiritual Epidemic

These are notes from one of the best talks I have ever heard in my life.  It was given by Brett Powell, at a CCO conference in December 2001.  I came across an old notebook a few weeks ago and found it, and it is as convicting to me today as it was when I heard it ten years ago (maybe more).  Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------

You know the kind of person who goes to a conference, and gets really on fire for Jesus?  Who is so convicted, they can’t wait to get home and tell everyone what they have seen and heard?  When they get back to the routine of life, maybe they start off pretty good – going to mass regularly, praying every day, receiving the sacraments.  But then as time goes on, they start to lose their fire.  Prayer and sacraments become a little less important.  They no longer feel the same passion, and they start to get lazy in their faith.  I know this person well, because I have been there many times.  When you live conference to conference, and do not have any other spiritual life, you have what is known as Spiritual Apathy. 

Spiritual Apathy is a condition of the heart that is characterized by indifference and inactivity. It is when your obedience is not equal to your knowledge; in other words, when your knowledge of the faith is greater than your obedience to it.  It is when we know that Jesus is the Saviour of the world, but we do little to make Him known to others.

Apathy is a serious threat to the spread of the Gospel.  More so than nonbelievers or persecutors, those who say they believe in God and do not act accordingly turn people away.  Why?  Because your life is a witness.  Once you’ve made a public decision for Jesus, you have said to the world, “I am a Christian”, and they will judge you based on that.  They will judge what you do, not just what you say (be careful to make them the same).  They may also judge Christianity, especially if you are acting with hypocrisy (or appear to be).

Your life is a witness.  The question is what are you witnessing to?

Don’t get depressed if this sounds like you.  I guarantee that we have all been there at one point or another in our walk with Jesus.  Remember that God encourages, Satan discourages.  As you listen, remember the words that follow are not meant to discourage you, but to call you to action and encourage you to live as Jesus calls us to.

Why does Apathy affect so many of us?

An epidemic is dangerous because it is a disease that spreads rapidly and infects many.  Apathy is the world’s greatest spiritual epidemic.  Why?

1. Because of the influence of the world around us
   The world evangelizes us in its ways.  Because of that, we try to isolate our faith (to survive).  Sharing our faith leads to confrontation, so we often shy away from it (because it is difficult or uncomfortable to do so).  This is the opposite of what we should be doing!  As St. Francis said, “sanctify yourself, and you will sanctify society.”        
2. Because we have lost a sense of the importance of evangelizationRalph Martin says the world tries to convince us that wide is the road that leads to Heaven, and that many are going there.  The world would also have us believe that the road that leads to destruction is narrow, and that few will take that road.  But we know that there is only one way, and that no one comes to the Father except through Jesus.  It has never been more important than now to share your faith.  The number of people who don’t know Christ (haven’t experienced Jesus as Lord) is increasing even though there are more converts (the number has doubled since Vatican II).  Mary told us at Fatima that “souls are falling into Hell like snowflakes”.  And Pope John Paul II said, “we must move fast, because the enemy is moving faster.”  We need to remember to move with a controlled sense of urgency, like salt in a recipe.  Enough to taste, but not so much that it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.  We need to plant seeds, and leave the rest to God.  Pope John Paul II tells us, “Now is not the time to be ashamed of the Gospel, but to shout it from the rooftops!”
3. Because due to our fallen nature, we want to take the path of least resistanceIt is difficult to live a life for Christ.  But Pope John Paul II tells us, “If you are who you should be, you will set the world ablaze.”  We must be prepared to meet persecution (Jesus did).  A missionary can be described as someone who goes to a place where he is not wanted, to sell a pearl that, although of great value, is not valued, to a people who will not accept it even as a gift.  Therefore, do not seek your consolation from the world.  The apostles Peter and John were ordered not to preach under fear of death (not just dirty looks) – they prayed for boldness in the face of persecution.
4. Because we don’t really know what to doVery often we have a heart to evangelize, but we may not know how.  We need to educate and train ourselves, in the same way you would for a career (if you aspire to be a doctor, you go to medical school).  How?  By giving yourself 100% to the sacraments, prayer, reading the bible, studying the teachings of the church, attending retreats and conferences, etc.  When you feel called to evangelize, Satan will tell you one of two things:  1) Sure you can do it, you’re great! Or 2) You can’t do it, look at how sinful you are.  But Jesus says, “Go, for I am with you.”  The principle agent for evangelization is not you, it’s the Holy Spirit.  All you need to do is share what God has done in your life.  1 Corinthians 1:26-28 says, “Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.  But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are.”
5. Because we experience spiritual gluttonyThe abundance and availability of religious material is a tremendous gift of the Church.  There is, however, the temptation to use it for our own growth and advancement, with little regard for the growth of others.  This elevates our pride, and results in greed.  We need a balance of personal and missionary formation.  Once we receive knowledge, we need to share it with others.

The most important contributing factor to spiritual apathy is the absence of a personal, compassionate, undying love for Jesus – the kind that is contagious.  The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference (apathy).  Revalations 2:2-4 says, “I know your works, your labor, your service, your endurance, yet I hold this against you, for you have lost the love you had at first.”  And St. John Vianney says, “There is nothing more commonly discussed among Christians than love for God, yet nothing so uncommon.”  Pope John Paul II challenged the excuse that we are too busy by saying that if we loved the Lord, we would make more time.  It is not a lack of time but a lack of love that leads to spiritual apathy.

We are called to dig deep in Christ, not just conference to conference – we need to raise the standards.  Evangelization is driven by your love for Christ.  The prophets were pushed into life by something more powerful than themselves.  We need to respond generously to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. 

The more we come to know Jesus, the more we will love Him.  The Church is an everlasting mine containing many treasures; no matter how far you go, no matter how deep you dig, you never come to their end - fresh riches are on either side.  There are several treasures in the Catholic Church that help us to evangelize, including sacraments, spirituality, prayer, scriptures, the lives of the Saints – all of these things feed you, and help you to know Christ more.

It’s time to be honest with ourselves – and remember, this is not meant to discourage, but rather to call you to action:

-       Have I taken advantage of the many means Christ has given me to
         grow closer to Him?

-       Am I making time to pray every day, as often as I can?

-       Am I reading God’s word in the scriptures every day?

-       Do I seek the Christ who is powerfully and personally present in the
         sacrament of reconciliation?

-       Have I made the Eucharist my absolute lifeline?

Christ makes Himself available to us when we call on Him.  The question is, do you burn for the love of Christ?  Because if you are who you should be, you will set the world ablaze.