Contemplative Motherhood

I just finished reading a book about the life of Mother Teresa.  It's the first time I've really delved into her story and, naturally, it had a profound effect on me.  Probably the thing that struck me the most and that I want to make my own way of life is her saying, "All for Jesus."

Ball and Chain

We've all heard the old saying about marriage being like a ball and chain but that's not what I would attach that description to. Instead what I think is a much more worthy contender for such a title is something I find myself quite often tethered to for most of the day.  Something so small you'd barely notice it, except for the crazy amount of time I have it in front of my face.   Something that has become a lifeline in many ways, for better or for worse, and that is almost constantly on my person. That something, you probably guessed, is my cell phone.

Affirmations in Motherhood

Over the past week I've had two very distinct and beautiful affirmations that I want to share, because I think as Moms we (or at least I) can be quick to diminish the good things people see in us and exalt the sinfulness we see in our own lives.  Much of that for me comes from the guilt of feeling like I'm being fake - inevitably when someone pays me a compliment (you're such a good mother) I immediately feel like that's just because they don't know me.  It makes me see the things I struggle with under a magnifying glass, and in turn a lot of time makes the struggle that much more difficult.  And when I fall again, as I inevitably do, I think, "See?  They couldn't have been more wrong."

The Privilege of Being Here

This morning, as I often do, I lingered with my infant son on his change table.  His diaper changed and his belly full from his most recent feeding, he was a complete delight. A happy little guy, he has just recently begun to smile and coo, and at two months old he's at the age where every day brings something new.  So often, and without guilt, I stay there just to watch him.  And the gift of this moment is not lost on me.

How God Loves

My youngest son is two months old now. His newborn phase was rough, and while I won't classify it as colicky because I know mothers and babies who've struggled with that and it was a million times more difficult, it nevertheless contained much more fussiness and irritability than we've seen with any of our last few babies. So now that he's turned a corner and become old enough to work out the kinks in his little digestive system that were giving him such grief, he's a pretty happy little guy.  He especially loves his older brothers, and I told my husband the other day that I'd be jealous that he smiles at them more than he smiles at me except that it's pretty much the sweetest thing I've ever seen.  I'm glad that he loves them so much, and it's so beautiful to see the way he lights up for them.

Saying No

It’s after 10:00 am and I’m still in my pjs, a rarity for me.  We were invited out with a friend this morning, and after accepting (because it’s a dear friend who I never get to see) I had second thoughts.  Yesterday we had two major outings – a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon (made more crazy by reduced ferry service to the Peninsula where I live which resulted in long waiting lines with a crying newborn and misbehaving older children cooped up in a van) and an Orchestra concert in the evening, which involved dropping off a few of my younger children to hang with Nana (because the last time we took them to a sophisticated event they were, well…not sophisticated.)  We had a very full, great day, but by the time we crawled into bed after 11 pm we were all exhausted.

My Favorite Dance Partner

As I write this, it is nearing supper time.  We’ve spent the day at home, my seven children and I, and my newborn has been difficult to put down all day.  If I am honest, he is very similar in temperament to my second child – the one that was gassy, and nursed every 1.5 hours for an hour at a time (which, if you do the math, means I spent the better part of the day sitting in a chair – and this with a toddler at home!) The child who both broke me and made me as a parent.  And I couldn’t be more grateful for that experience.