In Secret

As I reviewed the readings for Ash Wednesday with the kids this morning, the familiar words of the gospel didn't hit me much differently than they usually do.  It's the one about praying in secret, not drawing attention to yourself so that others will esteem you, but with a contrite and honest heart.  "And your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you."  (Matthew 6:4)

I didn't think too much about it as I explained it to the kids, other than that it is good advice heading into Lent.  It is a time when Catholic everywhere are organized in their fasting, and I guess it could be tempting to find out what everyone else is doing, to see who is making the bigger sacrifice.  I just won't do that, I'll keep between God and I.  Lesson learned.

Only later in the day did I realize that God was speaking to me on a much deeper level with this reading.  Because while I don't often find myself tooting my own horn looking for praise, I do on far too many occasions expect the kids to somehow realize how hard I work, and to offer some kind of reward (like say, not tearing apart the family room for the third time today!)  Too many times in my anger I find myself listing all the things I do every day to them, expecting that maybe if they just knew how hard I work, they would be happy to lighten my load.  Anyone who is a parent knows that this doesn't matter - they can't understand it.  They are not grownups.

I remember one time when I was in my teens, and my poor exasperated mother was having a similar conversation with me about my less-than-stellar performance on my chores.  "I just want you to care about keeping this house clean," I remember her saying.  And my response in all my teenaged wisdom was, "I'm sorry, but I don't care about it as much as you." I wasn't trying to be smart, just to explain that to me it really didn't make as much of a difference as it did to her.  I did, however, promise that I would try harder for her sake, because I loved her and didn't want her to be so distressed by my lack of effort.  Now as a mother myself, how can I expect my little ones (seven and under) to have more enthusiasm than I did in my teens?

So, my personal challenge this Lent is going to be to carry the burden of endless and repetitive housework quietly, and offer it as a prayer to God.  I will, of course, continue to hold the kids to high standards when it comes to cleaning up after themselves.  But I will not try to justify my day to them.  Instead, I will turn to my Father - who sees in secret, and will reward me.

Happy Shrove Tuesday.  May your Lenten journey towards Easter be a blessed one.

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Matthew 6: 1 - 6, 16 - 18
1	"Beware of practicing your piety before men in order to be seen by them; for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.
2	"Thus, when you give alms, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.
3	But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
4	so that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
5	"And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.
6	But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
16	"And when you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.
17	But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face,
18	that your fasting may not be seen by men but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.