For Me

I spend a lot of time just watching my baby.  Being number six, I know just how quickly this time goes.  The things that stressed me out with the other kids (When will you sleep through the night?  How can you be having such a fussy day?  When will you be finished nursing so that I can finally go out without having to take you with me or pump?) don't get to me with her.  I love it, all of it, because I know that someday, before I even have time to blink an eye, she won't do any of that, and these days will be gone.  She will be a new little girl, with a whole new personality, some of which is evident to me now, but oh so much more yet to be revealed.

I lingered with her on the change table just a few minutes longer after a diaper change one day not too long ago. I played and she giggled, and it hit me - she's not going to remember this time.  This moment is purely for me.  What a gift!

Babyhood is like wrapping paper on the most beautiful present.  It captivates you, begs you to take it in, pick it up and admire it.  Before we know what's inside we are enamoured with this gift.  But then, oh then, babies grow up.  We begin to see a little of what's inside, and then a little more, and a little more.  And here's the crazy thing - this amazing little girl that I am so in love with, has so much yet to be discovered.  How could I possibly love her more?  Because I will see her more.

I love babies, really I do.  But I grow even deeper in love with each of my children as they grow older.  I delight at my oldest boys, the way they relate to me, that I can joke with them or share in the things they like.  I love hearing my oldest sit for hours at the piano playing the pieces he learns, the way his brain is always thinking about things, his confidence and boldness with his friends, and that he never allows himself to be pressured into doing something he doesn't want to.  I love watching my second oldest follow his Dad around the yard, doing everything he does and wanting to be just like him (as he did - and still does - with his own Dad), the way his eyes grow like saucers when he is telling me about some new project he is dreaming up, and how much he loves to be treated extra-special.  I love watching my third son's eyes sparkle, the way he connects with everyone, his soft, sweet, endearing nature, how he is learning to put letters together and read, getting that spark of knowledge and amazing me that he is so much smarter than I realized.  And my girl, oh my girl!  I love how she whispers in my ear, and plays princess games in the mud, and how she just overflows with sweetness.  I love my toddler and his troublesome ways (even though they cause me such anxiety!)  I love his spark and his spirit, how he is always happy, that he always has a song on his heart, and his love of all things prayer.  I loved them all as babies, as any mother does.  But I never saw any of this when they were as young as Mary.  This is what all that beautiful wrapping was concealing - the amazing gifts of these little people that I know are just beginning to unfold, and will only grow more beautiful over time.

The gift seldom gives a second thought to the paper it was wrapped in, just as my children have no memory of the beauty that filled my early days with them.  That is all for me.  Forever ingrained in my memory and treasured, ready to reveal the marvel within these amazing people.

My loves