Good Enough

I had an opportunity to spend time with a friend this week.  She's a really outgoing person who's really connected in her church, and really deep in her faith, and quite honestly I often find myself asking, "why does she want to be friends with me?"


Very often I find myself wishing I was the kind of friend who offered great wisdom, or was really charismatic.  I post things here on my blog or on Facebook and people say, "you're so great!" But in real life if you were to hang out with me, I'm not the inspiring person I sometimes feel people mistakenly believe me to be.  Truthfully sometimes I wonder if people are disappointed when they get together with me and see that I'm not the fount of wisdom I wish I could be.  Because honestly if you were to try to hang out with me, you would get scattered small talk in fragmented sentences, between interrupting children or me rushing back and forth to try to keep track of said children.  If you tried to arrange a hangout time in the evenings or without children around it likely would not happen, because that means taking an evening away from my husband and kids and arranging for babysitting, which I honestly don't have time or desire to do right now.  My heart right now is with my family and I love when people are willing to meet me where I am and come to me in the midst of all of that, but sometimes I feel like they're getting gyped.

And then my friend said something to me as she was leaving that really touched me.  She said, "sometimes I need to spend time around people who are living this life and are okay with it."  Not, "I need to be with wise people who inspire me," or "I need to be with people who will homeschool like a boss and meet all the targets, expertly care for their home and husband, make meals, tuck kids into beds and meet me for a quiet coffee where we can talk about life without the bother of children underfoot."  I realized in that moment that living this life the truest way that I can is a gift, not only to me and my kids but to my friends as well.  I don't need to "give" anyone anything - I just need to be myself.

It was such a gift, because that's what Advent has been about for me.  Dialing down the outside commitments and re-focusing on life inside our home, with our family.  I have been blessed to see the Lord give abundant grace in time with the kids and around the house, from keeping up with household chores to leisure time with Jeff and the kids.  But it surprised me even more to see outside friendships grow in that as well.  In slowing down and turning my heart to Christ this Advent, He is meeting me in every possible way and blessing me beyond measure.  It doesn't take a grand fantastic effort outside of ourselves.  I'm coming to see that God blesses even the smallest offerings if they are given in love and sincerity of heart, and that friendship is all around us and comes in many forms, within our families and outside of them, but always by putting God first.