I find myself in a unique time in our family life. For the last seven years I have been blessed to have all of my children homeschooled. But the day is very quickly approaching when my oldest will be ready to enter high school, and we have both discerned that for him, the best place to do this will be in a public high school. There is of course a bitter sweetness to it all, as on the one hand I will miss having him at home. But on the other hand I am so, so excited for what lies just on the horizon for him. And I know he is ready.
When you homeschool there is always the question, did I do enough? Academically I’m not concerned. We have met the provincial guidelines and followed the curriculum, and he’s a bright boy. I’m sure he’ll have no trouble grasping newer and more difficult concepts (and I think the opportunity to learn from someone other than me will be a blessing!) But I often wonder spiritually, did we do everything we could to introduce him to Jesus? Sure we took him to Mass every Sunday, we prayed every day and studied our catechism, we read scriptures and had morning prayers. But communicating who Jesus is is really tough! Even when I share my own life I wonder, is this something that means anything to them? How can I move them to consider life’s deepest questions not because Mom says to, but because they are asking them themselves?
I was so encouraged a few nights ago when I ready Fr. Carrón speaking about education, and our fundamental duty to nurture the desire for beauty within our children. It really prompted me to think about the things my children find beautiful and I realized that I don’t often share in those moments with them - I’m too busy. Then and there I resolved that I would spend time with each of my middle schoolers once a week, to give them an opportunity to talk to me about the things they are passionate about. I have always wanted to do one-on-one dates with the kids, but the thought of it made me so anxious , because I always saw it as something else I had to plan for, one more night away, bringing the baby out, neglecting the housework, etc. etc. But faced with the knowledge that I have not done so well in this regard, I had no choice but to make it work.
I decided to start small. I have the advantage of having two children of babysitting age in the house, which means that sneaking off with one (even the oldest) is not so difficult as it once was. I figured I could easily slip away for a short walk around our neighbourhood with each of my older two children once a week. I know that it means something else will have to take a back seat, likely one of the many things I struggle to stay on top of in the run of a day, but I don’t care. I know that once this time is passed, I will never regret choosing to get to know my children.
And so today was our first walk. I strapped the baby into his carrier, and the three of us set out. And what a blessing it was for me! I never get out to walk in January, but it was stunning. We walked down to our frozen beach and marvelled at the spectacular winter transformation of one of our favorite places. And all the while I listened to his joy as he spoke, uninterrupted, about the things he loves: games he plays, stories he wants to write, funny videos he watches. I want him to know his desires are good, that God created him for joy, and that Christ is in the things he loves. And my oh my, it is so good for my mother’s heart to see him so alive! He remarked several times on our walk how nice it is, and I agree. I will forever look forward to walks with my middle schoolers.
I snapped a photo of our shadows on the ground in front of us, because I thought it was nice the way you could see the footsteps from when we had walked over together as we made the return journey, with the sun at our back. It was only after I got home and looked closely, that I saw his shadow is taller than mine. It looked as though I had been walking with a grown man, and I was grateful in that moment that it was just an optical illusion. The image caused me to stop and realize that while he is actually not taller than me now, one day very soon he will be. And it made me so, so thankful for this special time in our lives. That the Lord would reach through the busyness and help me to understand just how valuable it is to prioritize my children, even at the expense of everything else. To be able to meet them in their desires and share what brings them joy is truly such a privilege, and I was so blessed today to enter into my son’s world, if only for.a brief moment. I believe Christ will meet him here, because He met me. And that is the most beautiful thing we could share with each other.
Sometimes it’s easy for big kids to get lost in the mix. They’re so much self-sufficient and independant, and when there are so many other demands on our time it’s natural to appreciate these things about them. But there is a need, at least for me, to set aside time just for them while I am still able to do it. And the amazing thing is that when I do, I see that it’s not just something for them but for me as well. And in my desire to make Christ known to my children, I come to know Him too.
The family is the first community, the domestic church. Help us learn to walk together, not just side by side, but fully invested in the lives of these little (and not-so-little) ones. And while I have spent so much time teaching them about You, Your goodness and Your truth, help me to enter into the things that bring them joy, so that they can find You there. In this way I believe, they will come to know that You have always been with them, known to them. And I pray this will be the first of many stirrings of the heart for them to want to know You more.
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