True Self Care

Over the weekend I came across an article about self care, specifically as it relates to parents of disabled children. In it, the author talks about all the reasons why self care fails to accomplish anything of significance in the face of a real problem for parents of children with complex needs.  I can relate.  While I am not a special needs parent, I do lead a very intense life.  It can be isolating and lonely, and difficult to get the most basic things done for myself. Things like finding the time to bathe every other day, to fix my hair, to have a break from the constant demands of daily life, all of these are real challenges for me.


And when someone says to me, “you just need to take some time for yourself,” it makes me want to scream. Because really, how do I do that?  What do I sacrifice in order to take time for myself?  Which child do I not teach, which meal do I not prepare, whose laundry do I ignore to make that happen?  And even when I do manage to do that, is it worth coming back and having to make all that stuff up, because someone does have to make sure that it all still gets done (and my husband’s job is just as demanding as mine, so there is precious little time left for him to commit to these things, which I get.)

Telling me I need to find time for myself is like poking a gaping wound in my life, because I know that, and I feel it, but it’s just SO. HARD.  But you know what? I’m starting to see that that’s okay. Because as this author wisely points out, self care is not going to suddenly make everything all right. It’s not going to make my life any less intense, or take away any of the tension that I live with every day.

I’m not in fact, meant to solve that problem, but to learn how to live with it, and walk through it.  If I hold up self care as my god, as the answer to all my problems, then I wind up chasing that myth and feeling profoundly disappointed when I find it is difficult to attain.

There is however, a God who is always present. Ready at a moment’s notice to step in and help me carry the burdens of my life. One who does not ask me to choose between the pressing duties of my life, but begs me to allow Him to enter, to fill each moment with His tenderness, and transform it from a task that brings stress to one that brings joy.  He is not something outside of life that I need to chase, but one Who meets me where I am and brings all of life into clarity.

Perhaps the greatest self care that I could do then, is to learn to encounter Him in these moments.  Not that I would turn down a good pedicures or a night out with my husband.  But on a daily basis, in the craziness of life where extra time for self-care is a rare treat and not a scheduled norm in my life, I know I don’t need to wait for it in order to find relief.  Relief is always present, and mine for the asking.  I just need to learn which God to chase after.