She's asleep

Tonight, as every night, I nursed the baby to sleep.  It was later than I expected, because the first time I tried to put her to sleep she nursed for five minutes and then was wide awake and playful, no sign of sleep on the horizon despite the fact that she hardly slept throughout the day.  Turns out she needed to have a bowel movement.  Which she did, about twenty minutes later (this girl can't sleep if she needs to poop!)  After that I nursed her again, and within minutes she was fast asleep.  In no time at all she broke her latch, and laid her soft little face in the crook of my arm, mouth closed in a peaceful, satisfied smile.

She's asleep, and I'm just going to sit here for a minute.

Sometimes life is crazy.  I want to say that's just life in a big family but you know what?  I think it's everyone's life sometimes.  Life is good, and crazy, and busy, and calm all at once, and sometimes that leaves you feeling anxious for no apparent reason, and that's okay.  Because right now, there's a sleeping baby in your arms. 

She's asleep, and I'm just going to sit here for a minute.

Sometimes I lose my temper for no good reason.  Sometimes, even though I've had a great day and life is just peachy, I yell all too easily at a poor unsuspecting (and maybe slightly tempermental) preschooler.  Sometimes that makes her cry.  And though she is quick to forgive me, I am rarely so quick to forgive myself.  I shower her with love and assure her that she is a good girl, and that I am going to try harder not to yell so much.  

She's asleep, and I'm just going to sit here for a minute.

Sometimes life is busy, and without meaning to you lose some of the routines that define you as a family, that keep your gaze on God.  And sometimes you realize that it's not so hard to get those back, if you just make a decision to do that.  And then you drink in that beautiful time at the end of the day, when no matter how crazy things got, you all are together as a family - quiet, peaceful, praying.  Making a conscious decision to stop everything, just for ten minutes, and pray.  What a blessing it is.

She's asleep, and I'm just going to sit here for a minute.

I'm just going to sit here, and look at her little face, and think of all the times I did that for each of her five siblings before her.  And thank God that despite my many limitations, He sees fit to bless me with each of them.  That there is hope for me, for them, and in fact the whole world.  Because the truth is they are not just mine, they belong to all of humanity.  This world that can be so scary and dangerous, where evil is around every corner and there is so much outside our walls (and sometimes within them) that we just can't protect them from.   There is hope, new babies are born each day, because God believes in us.

She's asleep, and I'm just going to sit here for a minute.

I'm just going to sit, and thank God for every moment of my life.  To take in this moment is easy.  Many are not.  Jesus, please help me to contemplate your face with as much love as I do my own babies.  To see You before me in each moment, to walk where you lead me with love.

She's asleep, and I'm just going to sit here for a minute.