Thoughts on a Rainy Tuesday

As a general rule, most people don’t like the rain.  We all see it as necessary, vital to life. But the rain generally means a bad weather day. We stay in, things get wet and kind of gloomy.  A favorite song of mine says, “I can’t stop the rain, but I will hold you till it goes away.” We understand that we need rain, but we’re all just waiting for it to go away.

So the readings from this morning touched me immediately:

“You poured down, O God, a generous rain:
When your people were starved you gave them new life.
It was there that your people found a home,
Prepared in your goodness, O God, for the poor.”

Read the rest over at Daughters of Saint John.

Blessed the People - Thoughts on the Readings for Trinity Sunday

"But there is more to our relationship than just the happy and positive.  The psalmist reminds us that, “The eyes of the Lord are upon those who fear Him, upon those who hope for His kindness. To deliver them from death and preserve them in spite of famine.”  Sometimes we see God in His glorious presence, but other times, it takes a moment of suffering.  Both are part of His plan."

Read the rest over at Daughters of Saint John.

Me! Me! Look at Me!

I don’t think it would come to anyone’s great surprise to know that there are a lot of things competing for my attention at any given time. And that makes daily life fairly intense for me most of the time. On the whole I can usually manage, but every now and again there comes a period of time in which it seems everything is coming at me at once, and I get bowled over.

Christ, the Great Teacher

“Did I teach him everything I was supposed to, did I say all the right things, did I explain it all well enough for his seven-year-old heart to be truly prepared for this incredible sacrament he is about to receive? Only God knows. But I now know that regardless of my own ability (or lack thereof), I can trust completely in the grace of Christ truly present at Mass to make up for what I lack.”

Read the rest over at Daughters.

True Self Care

Over the weekend I came across an article about self care, specifically as it relates to parents of disabled children. In it, the author talks about all the reasons why self care fails to accomplish anything of significance in the face of a real problem for parents of children with complex needs.  I can relate.  While I am not a special needs parent, I do lead a very intense life.  It can be isolating and lonely, and difficult to get the most basic things done for myself. Things like finding the time to bathe every other day, to fix my hair, to have a break from the constant demands of daily life, all of these are real challenges for me.

The Stone Rejected by the Builders – Thoughts on the Readings for the Fourth Sunday of Easter

“The stone rejected by the builders has become the cornerstone.” (Psalm 119:22).

As I reflect on the readings for this week, two feelings are dominant: shame at the ways in which I reject the Lord, and gratitude for His redeeming love and power to transform those mistakes. In the first reading from the Acts of the apostles, St. Luke brings us back to the fact that we were the ones who handed Christ over to be crucified – yes, the Lord is risen and it’s glorious, but you cannot ignore your role in His passion. “All of you and all the people of Israel should know that it was in the name of Jesus Christ, the Nazorean whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead; in His name this man stands before you healed,” he tells us.

Once Upon a Time, a Friend Asked Me to Write with Her

...and oh, what a transforming experience it has been!  I have been keeping this personal blog for the better part of nine years now (writing more in some years, less in others), but this is the first time I've had a project to work on with another person.  You guys, what a blessing!  Here's how it came to be.

Loved by Extension

My husband has always been more dynamic than me.  When we were dating it used to drive me nuts how people who had known me for years would somehow gravitate more to him than to me.  It offended my childlike need for approval I suppose.  But now after many years of marriage, I take a certain security in it.

Good Friday with John of the Cross

The beginning of this day was quite painful for me.  Aptly so, since it is Good Friday.  I have been trying my best to offer my sufferings in union with Christ, and to allow them to draw me into this day with Him.  I know of course that they can't compare to what Our Lord endured for me, but I feel somehow blessed that this day is not serene, and rosy, and chipper.  If I am miserable, I can be miserable for Him.

From Confession to Confession

Today, after three failed attempts recently to do so, my crew and I finally managed to make it to Confession.  Getting all of us out to receive the Sacrament has always been a difficult task, but I realized just how badly needed it was a few months ago, when my husband nabbed a priest after Mass and asked him to hear his confession.  Immediately our older boys started asking me, “do I have to go?” To which I responded, “you don’t have to go, but you can if you want to.”  Let’s just say they weren’t breaking down the doors to receive Christ’s mercy.  They all took a pass, and I worried that maybe I had not done a good job communicating that this sacrament was indeed a gift and a grace, not something to be feared.  I knew the reason was that I had not made it enough of a priority, and so I vowed to get to regular confession more often.

On My Heart

When I was a newly expectant mother for the first time, there was a Hallmark commercial that left an imprint on my heart.  It was of a young boy who had made a card for his busy mother, but she was too busy to look at it.  He had planted a surprise (floating, spring-powered butterflies, if memory serves me correctly) inside it, and though he tried time and again to get her to open it, he kept receiving, "not now honey", "I'll look at it later", or something of the like.  Of course the viewer knew how deeply she loved her boy, but she was caught (as most parents are) in a busy life, and had to balance all of it.  When her little boy was tucked into bed and she finally opened his card, she was sad that he was not present for the surprise he was so persistently trying to give her all day. She vowed to make it up to him, and of course visited a Hallmark store the very next day.  When he came in from school she presented him with his very own card filled with butterflies, and the two shared a reconciling surprised moment between the two of them, as the boy knew that even though she was not able to share this with him the day prior, that she was able to now.  Isn't this the story of every parent at some point or another?

The Living Flame of Love - Chapter 2

I continue my study of St. John of the Cross' book with the second chapter, which focuses on the following stanza:

O sweet burn!

O delicious wound!

O tender hand! O gentle touch!

Savouring of everlasting life, 

And paying the whole debt,

In destroying death thou hadst changed it into life.

Lent and Sympathy for Yourself

My toddler is at that age where life is just hard.  The golden age of never doing anything wrong is long past, and life for him is just one series of corrections, of being told what not to do, of being denied that which he wants most.  Of course he is much too young to understand why we can't simply give in to every whim he has, and that our imposing of these limits are for his ultimate good. So like most two-year-olds, he navigates life in an almost perpetual state of frustration. There are two ways we can handle this: we can either become frustrated, a state we succumb to many times, or we can have sympathy on him.  We can realize this is not an easy time for him, and do our best to love him through it. Sympathy for him does not mean we give him everything he wants.  But it does mean that we have empathy and allow our love to guide him where he needs to be, rather than simply getting angry with him.

The Living Flame of Love - Chapter 1

Before I begin, let me just take a moment to say that I am not an expert in theology in any way.  These thoughts are simply my own experience as I read through this work of St. John of the Cross.

I didn't so much choose this book as it chose me.  I was intending on re-reading "Dark Night of the Soul," which I first read over five years ago, and thought I was buying a collection of his works.  It turns out that this particular edition was just one book, "The Living Flame of Love," and his minor works (poetry, letters, etc.) But once I cracked open the first page I realized that the Lord intended for me to read it, and I have been drawn in.  St. John of the Cross is famous for his poetry, and I'm not sure if all of his works follow the same format, but "Dark Night" and this one begin each chapter with a stanza of his poetry, and expand on that in the chapter.  So my study of this book begins with the first stanza of his poem:

Oh living flame of love!
That woundest tenderly
My soul in its inmost depth
As though art no longer grievous
Perfect thy work, if it be thy will
Break the web of this sweet encounter

Steal Away

I mentioned previously that another one of my goals this year is to be faithful to alone time, and this specifically for me, is alone time with Christ.  Just prior to Christmas my husband graciously offered to allow one night a week for me to have to myself.  Since quiet time is elusive for me,  I have chosen to spend this night at our nearby church in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and tonight is the first night in a very long time that I have been able to come.  It is so, so good for my heart.

Time for Them, Time for Christ

I find myself in a unique time in our family life.  For the last seven years I have been blessed to have all of my children homeschooled.  But the day is very quickly approaching when my oldest will be ready to enter high school, and we have both discerned that for him, the best place to do this will be in a public high school. There is of course a bitter sweetness to it all, as on the one hand I will miss having him at home.  But on the other hand I am so, so excited for what lies just on the horizon for him.  And I know he is ready.

The Mystery Present

"The only possibility of real freedom is the recognition of the Mystery present." (Fr. Julián Carrón, Disarming Beauty)

I am encouraged as I step into this new year, and believe it is not by accident that God has put me where He has in this moment. The recent stirrings of my heart combined with the introspection and goal setting that is common to this time of year have been for me a blessing, and an opportunity to reawaken to life, to live intentionally.

Christ in All Things

Happy New Year!  As one of my goals for the new year, I want to try and write a bit more.  Not so much because I think I have any grand contribution to add to the world, but more to have a record left behind of these current days I'm living, so I can look back and remember what this particular moment in time was like for us.  There are, of course, many different relationships woven into my life, all of which I will talk about (though maybe not in every post).  They are my husband, my eight beautiful children, and Christ.