Finding Jesus in the Temple

After a crazy day at home, I snuck away for a quick run just before supper. I pray the rosary when I run, because the Blessed Mother is the perfect running companion, and today being Monday, I prayed with the joyful mysteries. 

I live in a beautiful part of the world that sits along a river (and is secluded enough that it is still relatively easy to get out while maintaining social distance). My parish church is practically in my back yard, and I pass in front of it when I run.  So when I pray the rosary, inevitably I find myself passing my church during the last mystery, when I'm almost home. Today, that mystery was the Finding in the Temple.

I have often reflected about how our bodies are referred to as a temple of the Lord, and my favorite way to pray with this mystery is with that in mind - that just as Mary and Joseph thought they had lost Jesus, when all along He was in the temple, I too might find Him in the deep recesses of my heart, in the temple, my whole being.  

The current situation we are facing in the world brought that to a whole new level today. I ran past our church at the beginning of my run and on the way back.  I knew Jesus was in there, in the Blessed Sacrament, but I don't know when I will next be able to receive Him. I have been sitting with this ever since our diocese (following the lead of dioceses all around the world) cancelled first Sunday Masses, then all Masses, to help control the spread of Covid-19 and keep people safe.  It is a strange feeling to be so near to the Blessed Sacrament and not be able to receive Him. 

I have only just begun to unpack what this means to me.  When the announcements came into effect, I brought my children to Mass where we met up with my husband, to receive the Eucharist for the last time. Like many others I approached the altar that day with a more sincere and aware heart than maybe I ever have before, but I know I still did not fully grasp what it was the Lord was asking of us in all of this. Now, just two weeks later, it is starting to sink in.

As this virus progresses and the directives become more imperative, it is clear we are going to be living like this for a while. The timeline for now is unknown, and as the days pass my heart does something it never really did before this circumstance imposed itself on the world - it longs for our Eucharistic Lord.

Praying before the tabernacle recently, I realized the intensity with which I was starting to feel this lack of the physical presence of Jesus.  And knowing that I couldn't possibly be the only one feeling this way, I began to see what a gift can come from being denied something we have never been denied before.  In the same way that we can come to take our loved ones for granted, so too I can see how I have taken the Lord for granted.  I have tried to pay attention during the consecration, to prepare my heart for Communion.  I've walked to the altar with an eye on toddlers ready to dart at any second, with meal plans running through my head, or other meaningless details that pale in comparison to what was about to take place. I have tried in vain to will my heart to understand the miracle that is Christ present in the host. But now, more than ever, He is teaching me - and it is precisely through this lack, this not being able to receive.

Thinking He was in their company, they travelled on for a day.  Then they began looking for Him among their relatives and friends. (Luke 2:44)

This is exactly what we are living now. For so long, we have been going about our lives thinking He was in our company.  We had no idea what we were missing, until we realized suddenly that He was not there.  Of course, Jesus is always with us. But I have been living in a sea of distraction and complacency for a very long time.  While I have been able to come to Mass and receiving Him for my whole life, in many ways I have walked as if He was not with me.  I knew it in my head, but it didn't quite make it to my heart in the truest sense.

But now, we know. Now we feel that He is gone.  So we have started looking.  And what a blessing!  I just keep thinking as these days go on, that I don't want to waste them; I don't want to loose this opportunity.  What is at once a devastating circumstance for the whole world (and one I pray fervently will end soon, and without more loss of life) is also a profound moment in history for all of us. It is an opportunity to be connected and aware of all of humanity at the same time. It is the chance for us to affirm the dignity and value of every human life, by taking every measure we can to stop the spread of this virus.  When we change our lives so drastically, we can either see it as an inconvenience to ourselves, we can give into fear that we will become sick and stay in to protect ourselves. Or we can embrace it as an act of love for the sake of the weakest and most vulnerable among us. In this way, we begin to look for Him among our relatives and friends.  

When we feel the true loss of the Eucharist, a gift we receive every time we go to Mass but one that is freely given to us, and which we do not have a right to, then we begin to long for Him. This longing for me is like an awakening, like falling in love all over again with your spouse.  Every relationship goes through times when you need to enkindle the flames of that first love, so that you don't take each other for granted. For me, this is exactly what is happening in this time of sacrifice for the universal church.  We have been with the Lord for a long time, and maybe we've taken Him for granted. Maybe like me, there are some who have never fully grasped the true gift we've been given.  For some, they will find that not going to Mass isn't such a big deal.  But for many more, I believe this imposed sacrifice will reawaken a new fire for the Lord, so that on that blessed day when we can finally receive Him again, we will have an awareness to our core of His true presence in the Eucharist we receive.

After three days they found Him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions...When His parents saw Him they were astonished. His mother said to Him, 'Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.'  'Why were you searching for me?' He asked, 'Didn't you know that I must be in my Father's house?'  (Luke 2:46, 48-49)

Jesus is still in His Father's house, we are not abandoned.  Like Mary and Joseph, we are in a time of searching.  While there are hardships, even some that seem unbearable, there is also hope.  We must go in search of Him.  I don't want to waste any of this time. I know that like the Holy Family, this reality is temporary.  Let's live this moment of history as active seekers for Christ.  Full of love for all of our neighbors, doing whatever we can to help protect everyone around us.  Praying always for an end to this sickness and for healing for all those who contract it (especially for those who will die).  And never forgetting that He is with His Father.  

Let us pray that until that glorious day when we can again receive Him in Holy Communion, that we will find Him in the temple of our hearts, and that He will give us the grace to live out these days with our gaze fixed on Him.  Not losing one ounce of the great opportunity He has placed before us on this journey.

"Dear Lord,

I recognize that everything comes from You,
Everything is grace,
Freely given,
Mysterious,
That I can't decipher,
But which I accept according to the circumstances
In which it takes place every day,
And I offer it to You,
And every morning I offer it to You,
And a hundred times a day,
If You have the goodness to remind me,
I offer it to You."

(Luigi Giussani)