One Week Down

And what a week it's been!  This time last week, I was preparing to take my son to his piano lesson and go to Mass at a nearby parish, when Jeff advised I should probably call to make sure Mass wasn't cancelled (it was). I made the decision then to do piano by video call instead (which we did the following day - it was such an infusion of normalcy and beauty in an otherwise chaotic time!) And I cried when I tried to update our calendar, ultimately choosing not to erase all the events we were certain to miss for the foreseeable future.  My friends, a lot has changed since then.


It's surprising to me to look back and reflect on how this week has been, and how I've responded.  On one hand, there were big (massive!) changes to make, not unlike anyone else.  In these areas, it's easy for me to just lean in and accept it. It's the smaller things that have been getting to me. Last week during a prayer time at my church, I lost my temper with my kids (during prayer time!) and upon later reflection, I came to see that I need to have mercy on myself and on them. We don't stop being who we are because of a pandemic. The seriousness of the situation may cause us to pause, but we don't cease having the same personality quirks that we always have.  I am impatient, one of my kids is rough, another is demanding, another is active, another is two.  This doesn't change just because our circumstance did, in fact, I think a lot of our most pressing flaws have been amplified as we adjust to our new reality.

Today as I began my day, I thought about this mercy, and the thought that has stayed with me all week, that we do not stop being ourselves, faults and all.  That much is still true.  However, we are one week in now. We are not the same as we were then; we know more.  So we should be able to do better.  We should be able to look at how we lived last week, and how we adjusted, and see what worked and what didn't.  Most especially, we should see where we fell short in truly loving the ones around us, those who will be stuck with us for the duration of social isolation, and not take them for granted.

True mercy doesn't shame.  It doesn't remind us of how terrible we are. It understands, it loves. But it also does not leave us where we are. It calls us forward, to something far better than we can imagine. This is what Christ wants for us in all of this - better relationships with the people around us, and with Him.

If like me, you look over the last week and see some things that were kind of a disaster, don't beat yourself up.  But don't stay there either.  Cut yourself some slack, make things right with the people you love, and step forward into the unknown fully confident of where your strength lies. Perhaps the greatest mercy of a world on pause is that we are forced to ask ourselves Who is in control, and where our hope lies. And if we desire to truly live these days as beauty, we need to return often, moment by moment, to the One who is truth, beauty, and goodness.