Snow in April

"Mom, it's snowing!" the kids announced shortly after lunch.  Today was a heavy day.  For no real reason, I just felt the weight of everything.  I was easily distracted, unmotivated, had difficulty focussing.  Daily tasks piled up, homeschooling was way behind schedule, and I felt everything.  My husband, knowing how good it is for me to get out and clear my head, suggested I go out for a run.  But I didn't want to.  It was snowing in April.



Every step felt sluggish.  In the beginning, all I could think was how much I did not want to be running.  It was cold, and I was just...tired.

My regular route passes our parish.  Until recently I just ran past on my way by, but since Masses have been suspended I have gotten into the habit of stopping at the end of my run to pray outside before returning home. In order to time it properly so that I get a full 5 km run in, I have to run just a little farther before I turn back around.  Today, I thought about not doing that.  I thought about just running past, and visiting later or another day.

But with each step I took, the familiar prayers of the rosary guiding me as they always do, I began thinking less and less of how hard this was.  Before I knew it, and with little effort I was running the full way.  I knew I did not want to miss the opportunity to be my Lord.

I ran up the steep driveway to our church and laid straight back on the lawn.  I looked up at the sky, with the steeple pointed to Heaven and closed my eyes.  I prayed the words of the Salve Regina, the cool wind blowing across my face,

Ad te clamamus, exsules filii Hevae
Ad te suspiramus, gementes et flentes
In hac lacrimarum valle

And then, a light refreshing coolness on my face.  Snow, in April.

What had at the beginning of my run been my biggest objection was now a welcomed grace.  Doing the work I did not want to do had, in fact, transformed my position.  Coming before Jesus exhausted, having given my best, I was now able to see this not as punishment, but gift.

Don't get me wrong, I am eager for Spring to return.  I am happy to have snow stay in the season where it belongs.  Where I can anticipate and prepare for it.  I do not want snow in April to continue forever. But as long as its here Jesus, help me to see the grace that is present.  So that it may sustain me on this unknown and mysterious road you have set before me.