I have been think a lot lately about how to live out a true devotion to the Eucharist in a time when we are not able to receive. It is strange to be in the season of Easter, and see our Lord passed from death to new life, and yet not be able to receive this food for the journey that is so crucial to us. As I read the above quote yesterday, it was difficult to reconcile Giussani's words with what our current circumstances (and I have to believe, God through those circumstances) are asking us to live.
The only way I can know to relate to this reality is through my own vocation of marriage. When my husband and I, after many years of dating, began to seriously discern marriage, there was a time of waiting. We were both preparing our hearts for the day we would enter into this sacrament, which we desired with all of our being. It was not easy to save the union of ourselves for that day, which seemed so far on the horizon (as most dating couples can attest to). We knew of course, what God was asking us to choose, and we whole-heartedly embraced that. But that did not make the daily living out of this reality easy by any means. All our efforts, desires, every moment of our daily living was focussed on the day when we would enter into the sacrament of marriage and be one with each other and the Lord. It was intense, beautiful, but also full of painful longing.
When I think of this moment we are living as a church, it makes most sense to me in this context: a painful longing. We know we will receive Jesus again. But unlike a dating couple, we don't know the timeline, which can make it even more painful. Also unlike a dating couple, we have already been one with the Lord in the Sacrament of the Eucharist. So maybe a better comparison would be periods of abstinence within marriage. This too, is a reality we well know. Any couple who practices Natural Family Planning knows that at least once a month, there will be a period of abstinence. On the surface and when we are not in the middle of this time, we know that it is good. That it is a time to reconnect and build intimacy in other ways, the famous "better communication" that NFP is touted for facilitating. But the reality of those moments is that when you are in the middle of them, it is difficult. No matter how level-headed and surrendered to the Lord's will you happen to be, there is still a huge sacrifice that is being asked of you. I can only imagine how much more intense this would be if such an abstinence was not just a month-to-month occurrence but in fact, a daily reality, imposed by illness or other factors that surely prevent some couples from being able to take part in the physical expression of their Sacrament.
Does that then mean, that such couples are no longer married? Of course not! And in the same way, I believe that not being able to receive the Eucharist in these days does not mean we are cut off from Jesus in any way, shape or form. Think of how many times, each of us over the course of our lives, has received Christ - body, blood, soul and divinity. "Under the sign of matter," Giussani writes, "what the sign indicates really happens - Christ becomes one with me." If we believe this is true, then we must believe that just as a married couple who finds themselves in a period of abstinence does not cease to be married, neither do we who have received over and over again our Lord into our bodies cease to be one with Him. We can still live out this devotion to Him, in the full confidence that He continues to be food for our journey even in these days when it is not possible to receive him into our bodies.
This will not, however, be without suffering, and anyone who thinks that the awareness of this will somehow make these days easier is mistaken. If a spouse in abstinence did not miss the physical union with his wife immensely, we could ask ourselves how truly he loved her in the first place. Because spouses who love each other want to be together, they want to be in union. The same is true of us with our Eucharistic Lord. We will miss receiving Him, and it will be painful. But we can still live a true devotion to Him from that longing.
For starters, if you are able to visit a church parking lot, you should. This same Jesus who just one month ago we received into our bodies is still inside every tabernacle in every Catholic church, and we can be there with Him. We can make a practice of taking time out of our day if possible, to pray with Him.
We can also use this time to remain faithful to our own observances of Mass and Adoration as we did before all of this came to be. If you would normally go to Mass or Adoration during the week, then get ready at those same times every day, and watch a televised Mass, or simply have a private prayer time. For televised Masses where possible, look for live Masses, so that you can be united in real time with the consecration of the Eucharist. Say often the prayer of spiritual communion, and believe that what it promises will happen - that Jesus will never permit us to be separated from Him.
We can live these days as a courtship with Jesus. Couples approaching the Sacrament of marriage have complete understanding of the goodness of the Sacrament they are journeying towards, that's why the waiting is so difficult. But it is also full of goodness and grace, for those willing to invite God into the waiting.
Finally, I encourage you not to waste these days. We have all seen the Facebook posts from people telling us to use this time to reflect, take up a new hobby, etc. etc. (and the resulting backlash from parents of small children everywhere who, rightly, point out that many of us don't have more free time, we in fact have much less!) But while we are not so much idle in our daily duties, we can easily become consumed in them, and become idle in our faith. It takes so much work not to just be at the whim of constant pressures and duties that seem to continually impose themselves and distract us, and while we can't ignore these (especially as regards caring for our children), if we do not take care to find beautiful moments in the midst of all of this, we will quickly lose ourselves and our desire.
Msgr. Giussani says that, " what a person really wants, you understand not from his work or studies (that is to say, what he is obliged to do by conventions or by social necessity), but by how he uses his free time. If a kid or a mature person wastes free time, he doesn’t love life; he is a fool. [...] Vacation is the most noble time of the year because it is the moment when you involve yourself as you like with what you value the most in life or you don’t involve yourself with anything, at which point, you’re a fool. [...] If vacation does not help you remember what you would want to remember the most, if it does not make you better in the relationship with others, but makes you more impulsive, if it does not help you learn to look at nature with a deep intentionality, if it does not help you make sacrifices with joy, recreation time misses its mark." While this is not a vacation, his words here certainly ring true for me.
Nobody knows yet how long these circumstances will go on. But we know that what the sign of the Eucharist indicates really does happen. Jesus really did rise from the dead, He really comes to us under the appearance of bread and wine. We really do receive Him into our bodies and are changed through that Sacrament, becoming more like Him. And He really does continue to reside in our tabernacles in Catholic churches around the world. He never stops moving in our hearts or our lives, and through the pain of these days I pray that we will all find meaningful ways to stay connected to that truth. To live the Resurrection as an objective fact that has happened to us, and transforms these days of darkness into something beautiful and true. Not without pain or sadness, for there will be much of this. But also, full of the joy and hope that comes with knowing that we have been united with Him, that we have put on Christ in our baptism, received Him in the Eucharist, and will one day again be united with Him in this Most Holy Sacrament.
Until then, let us live in joyful hope. Alleluia! Alleluia!
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