Learning Together

My oldest son is almost eight.  I love him to pieces, and I can appreciate the unique role he has in being our first.  Every new challenge he faces is a first for us.  We're still figuring out how to parent him, and just when we think we have everything under control he gets a little older, and finds a new way to challenge us - and we have to go back to the drawing board.

We have been struggling lately with a budding attitude, which I'm sure many of you will read and have a good laugh over.  I realize that it's just the tip of the iceberg, and I'd better figure out how to handle it without letting it get to me really fast, or I'm in for many rough years ahead.  It is a stark contrast with the rest of the children in our household - the younger kids are either in the middle of a tantrum or they're over it and onto something new.  But Joseph is learning how to hang onto things, and when I would rather he just accept something (a "no, you can't do that now", a discipline, or whatever might be the object of his dismay) he is learning that he doesn't have to turn the page just because I want to.  In short, he's learning how to think for himself.  And using this newfound skill to test himself against me, to see how far I am willing to budge.  It is trying!

This evening at the beginning of our family rosary, he was in a mood.  He had been in one all day and I, being emotionally spent, had a short fuse.  When he decided to pound on the couch with his fist, I decided it was better to cut the rosary short and put the kids to bed than to loose my cool.  I sent Joseph to my room to wait for me, while I put everyone else to bed.  Then when I got back upstairs, I started to talk to him about his behaviour, and why it needed to change.

Something happened while I was talking with him, that I can only attribute to the grace of God.  I realized that, as much as I am learning how to parent him, he is only just learning too.  He has new thoughts and feelings coming up every day, and as he grows smarter he has so much more at his disposal for living life than he ever did before.  This is as new to him as it is to me, and we are in this together.

He needs to know this, and so I told him.  I asked him to be patient with me while I figure out how to be a Mom to an eight-year-old, and promised I would be patient with him while he learned how to be an eight-year-old himself.  He wanted to finish the rosary, so we did, and afterwards I prayed with him, thanking God for the gift that he is to me, and asking that he would give Joseph a grateful heart for the many good things that the has, and me a grateful heart for the beautiful little boy that he is.

We are all growing together.  Sometimes, there are growing pains.  But mostly, it's just beautiful.  And I can't think of anyone I would rather learn alongside with.

Easter With Kids

Before Jeff and I started having children, we knew that we wanted prayer to be a part of our everyday family life, and that we wanted to share our faith with them from a very young age.  We imagined that it would be seamless - that because we were living our faith, our kids would just naturally pick up on it.  What I didn't realize was how much of my faith was an interior life, and when you have kids you have to dig deep to bring that to the surface - and communicate it to them in a way that is meaningful.  And that can be quite daunting.

Our first few years of family life were almost completely devoid of family prayer, save for the occasional Our Father (and of course, weekly Mass).  I struggled with how to talk to my toddlers and preschoolers about who Jesus was, and why He was important.  I wanted it to be so much more for them than just words that they say, or rituals they follow.  But how do you explain that in a child's terms?

Turns out, it's not nearly as complicated as I thought. They are quite capable of understanding a faith that is shared on their terms, and lived in their own family.  But I discovered something extraordinary along the way - in taking the opportunity to talk with them and answer their questions, I was forced to think about my own faith in ways that I have not done, probably since the early days of its first stirrings within me.  All these things that I hold so deeply within me I have somehow pushed "off out there", but when the kids ask questions I have to go back to the beginning, on the most basic level.  And it awakens in me a desire and an excitement that I have not felt in a long time.  The excitement, I suppose, of a little child.

The kids making their way to the next station

This lent has been pretty much a write-off for me, spiritually.  I have not kept up with any of the extra prayer that I had set out to do, nor have I curbed any of the bad habits I set out to conquer.  This week, however, has been much different.  There is an outdoor way of the cross at our church two minutes from our house, and one afternoon while the baby was napping and my husband was home to stay with him, I took the rest of the kids over.  We printed off a children's version of the way of the cross, and just stopped at each station, talking about what happened to Jesus and what that must have felt like for him and the people around Him.  We also talked a lot about the ways in which we cause Jesus to suffer, and were thankful for all the suffering He endured for our sake.  I cannot tell you the last time I went through the way of the cross with such sincerity and devotion, and it was all under the direction of these beautiful little ones, who have a way of passing on a faith to me when all along I thought it was my job to pass it on to them.

I pray that the rest of this Easter season will be a blessing for everyone.  If you get a chance to talk to a little one in your life about it - do it!  Ask them questions, and listen to your answers.  You might be amazed at what the Lord opens up through the faith of a little child.

Pausing for reflection

Blooming Where We're Planted

We recently found out that we are expecting another baby.  Which is always happy news, but brings a special joy after our miscarriage in December.  We know all too well how fragile life can be, and don't take this blessing for granted one little bit!

That being said, expecting a new baby has a way of causing you to re-evaluate your life - mostly because you need to make accommodations for a new little one.  Someone who needs to fit into your lifestyle, your budget, and - maybe most importantly - your house!  Which in our case, will involve a certain amount of squeezing.

We live in a 1,600 square foot, four bedroom house.  Our three oldest boys share one bedroom, and our daughter is currently enjoying the benefits of being the only girl and having her own room.  Neither room is particularly big, and with the new baby coming in October we will need to vacate the nursery that our current baby (16 months) occupies.  He will temporarily share with his sister, until we have a more permanent idea of room configuration down the road (based on whether the new little one is a boy or a girl).

We are both fairly certain that as long as the Lord is willing to bless us with more children, we will joyfully welcome them.  I think we both embrace the possibility that this could be our last, but it also may not.  We are only 31 and still have many childbearing years ahead of us.  And neither of us want to stop having children.  And so, I have never really allowed myself to settle into this tiny little house.  For the last few years I have come to see this as simply a temporary home, drifting back and forth between the idea of buying a bigger house, or renovating this one.  I check the real estate market, draw up plans for an addition, and dream big.  The problem with those big dreams is that they cost big money.  Which we don't have.

Recently however, after news of the new little one set in, I came to a small conclusion.  A small conclusion that made a big difference in how I see my space in the world - in this little house.  We have a downstairs family room, that if need be could be walled off and turned into a fifth bedroom.  I am completely comfortable with the idea of our kids sharing rooms and have seen many good benefits from it, and except for an initial trial period when the boys were really young have found even having three in the same room is more than doable.  With one extra room I am certain that we could have more than enough space to grow in the future, if God so chooses to bless us.  It was an important realization for me - that we don't need something more in order to grow - that we are not "held back" by our circumstances.  We can grow and thrive right where we are, with everything we have, which is plenty to be happy.

Our neighbour was in the back yard chatting with my husband yesterday.  As Jeff started to share with him how difficult it is to decide what to do when your family is growing (sell, renovate, or keep things as they are) my neighbour's eyes grew wide.  He responded with, "nooooooo, you can't leave!" and it was nice to know that we're not the only ones happy with our decision.

And so for now, we stay and we grow.  We bloom where we are planted.  And we celebrate all that God has done and will continue to do for our little family.

Little Mazerolles in bloom

Springtime

As I was cleaning the house a few days ago, I had a bit of a moment.  We are experiencing record-breaking temperatures this week, and the kids (and I) are loving every minute of it.  The first few nice days after winter are always a glorious time, when the yard (and the kids) are full of mud, and you're just so darn happy it's nice enough to go outside you don't even care about the extra mess it makes.

And so it was that I was vacuuming the upstairs, which is part of my daily routine.  On this lovely springy day, and as the kids had just trampled through the upstairs with their muddy boots, the mess was threefold what it would normally be.  And I was joyful it the midst of it all - why?  Because the sun was streaming through the windows, the air was whistling through the screens, and the advent of spring was lifting my soul.

We are also in the season of Lent, which for me has been a particularly difficult one.  I have been struggling with things I thought were long past, feeling like I had taken big steps backwards, and just generally feeling like I was doing a poor job of making any kind of spiritual progress in this season the Church sets aside for just that.  Cleaning this mess in my house, I couldn't help but parallel it with my own life and all the ways I have been feeling like maybe I've allowed things to clutter up there as well.  And the beauty of the message of spring flooded my being - that the Lord shines light into the darkness, breathes new life, and makes you see the mess in a whole new way.  He allows you to be joyful in doing the work you need to do to get it all cleaned up.

With Lent more that half over, I am grateful for this beautiful weather and the new perspective God has given me on my sin.  I pray that for everyone (myself included) the rest of this beautiful season will be a time of hope, of conquering, and of joyfully doing the work that needs to be done - illuminated as always by the light of Christ, who is always busting in through the windows of our hearts and begging us to let Him in.  Welcome, spring!

Katie, ready to enjoy a beautiful spring day!

All Work, No Play? No Way!

It is a beautiful, spring day.  Sun is streaming in through the windows.  Days like this seem to encourage a good learning environment, and today is no exception.  The kids have been beautifully motivated, and after a particularly difficult day yesterday it is a welcomed blessing.

People always assume homeschooling is a TON of work.  And while it is work, to me it's so much more than that.  It is an opportunity for me to learn with my kids, which I find to be a special blessing with the bigger kids.  It's a time set aside for them each morning, where I say to the babies, "you guys play over here for a bit - this time is for your big brothers."  It is far too easy, especially when the kids are old enough to look after themselves, to just leave them to their playing and be consumed with babyhood.  But, as I'm coming to realize, everyone benefits from putting the big kids first every now and then.  The babies learn to occupy themselves for a bit and grow in independence, and the big kids get nurtured in a way that, I am sad to say, would not be so intuitive to me otherwise.  I know there are parents who are excellent at setting aside time for each of their kids, no matter how many they have.  I, unfortunately, am not one.  I need a reason to not get swept away in the day-to-day.  And homeschooling provides just such an occasion.  It is a real blessing.

A friend described it best when she spoke about what quality time looks like for her husband and for her.  She talked about how her husband plays games with the kids, rough-houses, takes them outside, and generally has fun.  Of course, she has fun too.  But as moms we can tend to feel guilty about not getting all the housework done, cooking a perfect supper, and playing a game of touch-football all afternoon with the kids.  For her, quality time is sitting around the kitchen table with the kids in the morning, teaching.  And who says that can't be fun?

When you learn to see school not just as something to "get done", but something that is a joy and a blessing to be a part of, you learn to cherish this precious time.  This is not all work and no play - it is a unique opportunity for me to walk with my children, and be amazed at how they learn and discover, develop and grow into little people.  What a joy!

Homeschooling is not a burden of extra work.  In fact, in many ways I think it has saved my relationship with my older kids.  It sets everything into perfect balance, and helps me to be the best mother I can be.

My little learner

In Secret

As I reviewed the readings for Ash Wednesday with the kids this morning, the familiar words of the gospel didn't hit me much differently than they usually do.  It's the one about praying in secret, not drawing attention to yourself so that others will esteem you, but with a contrite and honest heart.  "And your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you."  (Matthew 6:4)

I didn't think too much about it as I explained it to the kids, other than that it is good advice heading into Lent.  It is a time when Catholic everywhere are organized in their fasting, and I guess it could be tempting to find out what everyone else is doing, to see who is making the bigger sacrifice.  I just won't do that, I'll keep between God and I.  Lesson learned.

Only later in the day did I realize that God was speaking to me on a much deeper level with this reading.  Because while I don't often find myself tooting my own horn looking for praise, I do on far too many occasions expect the kids to somehow realize how hard I work, and to offer some kind of reward (like say, not tearing apart the family room for the third time today!)  Too many times in my anger I find myself listing all the things I do every day to them, expecting that maybe if they just knew how hard I work, they would be happy to lighten my load.  Anyone who is a parent knows that this doesn't matter - they can't understand it.  They are not grownups.

I remember one time when I was in my teens, and my poor exasperated mother was having a similar conversation with me about my less-than-stellar performance on my chores.  "I just want you to care about keeping this house clean," I remember her saying.  And my response in all my teenaged wisdom was, "I'm sorry, but I don't care about it as much as you." I wasn't trying to be smart, just to explain that to me it really didn't make as much of a difference as it did to her.  I did, however, promise that I would try harder for her sake, because I loved her and didn't want her to be so distressed by my lack of effort.  Now as a mother myself, how can I expect my little ones (seven and under) to have more enthusiasm than I did in my teens?

So, my personal challenge this Lent is going to be to carry the burden of endless and repetitive housework quietly, and offer it as a prayer to God.  I will, of course, continue to hold the kids to high standards when it comes to cleaning up after themselves.  But I will not try to justify my day to them.  Instead, I will turn to my Father - who sees in secret, and will reward me.

Happy Shrove Tuesday.  May your Lenten journey towards Easter be a blessed one.

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Matthew 6: 1 - 6, 16 - 18
1	"Beware of practicing your piety before men in order to be seen by them; for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.
2	"Thus, when you give alms, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.
3	But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
4	so that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
5	"And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.
6	But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
16	"And when you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.
17	But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face,
18	that your fasting may not be seen by men but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

Settling In Just Fine

Last year, 2011, was a year of change for me.  We had just welcomed our fifth child six weeks before the new year, and I was trading my full-time job outside the home for full-time homeschooling.  I began the year with so many questions - can I really handle all this?  Will I do a good job teaching my own children? Can I keep up with all the demands of running a household with one more little one?

With more than a year under my belt, I am happy to report that things are going just fine.  In fact, better than fine.  I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.  You see, I never wanted to work outside the home once I started having children.  But it was just always a reality in our family, and a sacrifice that I made for the sake of everyone.  I don't regret those years, as I know I made the best decision I could, prayerfully begging God to make another way for us, and walking on the path before me when I could find no other alternatives.  I believe He blessed me through those years of sacrifice, and there are many skills that have come from my time of working that have proven invaluable to me in this new season of my life.

Nonetheless, I did get used to going back to work once each of my babies were one year old, and so I never really had the chance to experience this stage of life at home.  To be honest it frightened me a bit, because I always sort of felt that just as I was at the peak of chaos, I would head back to work and take my kids to someone else's house, to make messes, eat meals, play and fight with each other.  And I would pick them up at the end of the day, bring them home to a clean(ish) house, feed them supper, and get them off to bed.  While I was overjoyed not to have to juggle such a complicated schedule anymore, it did force me to face one thing - that I was now 100% responsible for all of this.  And a newborn.  And school.  Could I really do it all?

I knew it was going to be a tremendous amount of work, and so I prepared myself (like a football player getting psyched for the big game).  But I never could have imagined the incredible blessing this life would be.  It is work, of course it is.  But the payoffs are a million times better than I ever could have expected.  I have spent the last eight years of my life working with injured workers, employers, executives, doctors and patients, and I have to say that my kids are by far the most wonderful (and merciful) of any stakeholder I have ever worked with.  There is such a rhythm to my life, and there is so much comfort and security in it.  Not only am I able to be here for the big milestones in the first year, I get to be a part of everything throughout their childhood - when they learn to read and write, add and subtract, think critically, and do projects on their own - I am part of that.  I am not just looking on at some grand life that is happening without me, I am living it - walking each step with them.  It is glorious!

And so, with a little over a year under my belt, I look back with tremendous gratitude for where the Lord has led me, and where He is taking our family from here.  I waited a long time to be here, and it is worth every bit of work it requires.

World's best bosses!