Submission

The other day I had coffee with a friend who hadn't seen me in a few weeks.  She commented that since the last time she'd seen me, my pregnant belly had dropped.  "How many more weeks do you have?" she asked.  "Five," I answered.  She shook her head, smiled, and told me almost definitively that I would not go that long.  I shrugged and said that if the baby came earlier that was okay by me.  Then, on the way home, panic set in.

I'm not worried about bringing a baby home in the least.  But this being the fifth time around for me, I am well aware of the pain that awaits me in the delivery room.  I do not have difficult labors by any means.  But pain is still pain, and sometimes when you know what's coming, it can be overwhelming.  During this particular pregnancy I have really tried to be joyful where God has me in this moment as a working mother, rather than lamenting over the time I am missing with my children.  Knowing it is only for a short time, and feeling like this is where God has called me to be, I have tried to focus on the now. 

Needless to say when my friend reminded me that things are so much closer than I realized, it left me slightly frazzled - and by slightly frazzled, I mean the thought of it made me nautious several times over the weekend.  Of course logically, I know there is no point in worrying about it.  I know that no matter what, I am going to be in the delivery room someday soon.  I also know that it will pass quicker than I can imagine, and that once that little baby is here I will probably say, "that wasn't so bad."  And I even know that if for some reason things go differently this time, there is still no merit to my worrying about it right now.  Still, it took effort over the next few days for me not to be consumed by this worry. 

On Sunday morning my wonderful husband got up with the kids as he often does, so that I could wake up on my own.  Laying by myself in those first lazy minutes, knowing that he had things under control and relishing in the relaxation of not having anywhere to be in the next few hours, God and I had a heart-to-heart.  I realized that I needed to surrender all of this fear to Him, and to trust that He was going to get me through it.  I needed to be grateful for the fact that I, unlike many people, have the benefit of knowing what lies ahead of me.  And of course the tremendous blessing that awaits immediately following labor, when I finally meet the little one I have known only in secret all these months.  I really felt like in that moment God was lifting a burden from me, but I had to be willing to give it over to Him.  To acknowledge that I have no control, and to allow Him to be in charge.  It's tough.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that submissiveness is woven into the very fabric of who a woman is.  Ephesians 5:22 calls wives to "submit to your husbands as to the Lord."  This is very controversial in our day and age, largely because women have traditionally been hurt by people trying to take advantage of this.  Seen by itself, it makes you think we got a raw deal.  How can God call us to forsake ourselves for someone else?  Yet it is in the very way we were created, and to me it is no more apparent than in our role as bearers of life.  Long before our wombs see life our bodies begin to prepare for it.  Even women who never conceive still have monthly cycles which require them to sacrifice of themselves.  And of course when a child is conceived, while it takes both male and female to create, it is the woman who is called to be submissive - to be a home for the new baby as it grows, to sacrifice herself for the sake of the life within her, and to endure suffering for the sake of a greater good, a child. 

Still, you can't just look at the role of women by itself or else it does seem like we got the short end of the stick.  When we were created male and female, we were created complimentary, with a complementary call that only reflects God when it is lived out by males as well as females.  The call to men? To "love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25)  Husbands must always look to the needs of their wives above their own, and to serve and love them first.  Only in this way will women find true comfort and peace in submission, when they can trust that the one they love will not take advantage of them. 

My prayer throughout the rest of this pregnancy, and with each day that passes in my life, is that I will draw strength through being submissive to God's will in my life.  That in surrendering control to Him, I will cast aside fear and doubt, so as to fully know the joy that comes from anticipating a miracle.  May these last five weeks (or less!) be for me a time of overwhelming peace and excitement!